%I'M ME. LIVE WITH IT.

Who do you say you are?

Monday, September 27, 2010

We are constantly subjected to comparison,

or I feel that I am constantly subjected to comparison.

In terms of what?

Academics.

No, we may never understand why we work so hard for our grades,

and perhaps we only will when we see the fruits of our labour in the future.

However then, we may never apply the lessons we learnt,

or the subjects that are taught.

..Perhaps, we're all just learning how to learn and adapt,

life skills.

I have cousins who are really smart.

Some from the prestigious colleges in Singapore,

some who have received scholarships to go overseas.

Sure, I'd like to score excellent grades,

receive an excellent scholarship,

and an excellent life at the very end.

The question that comes into play is not whether I have the ability to do so,

but whether I have the capacity and condition to do so.

When a lecturer came to my school,

and told the school that JC students,

actually represented the top 28% of students in Singapore.

My initial instinct was,

"wow, I never knew that."

but then, thoughts followed,

"hmm, somehow I don't feel so special."

I guess that statistic doesn't assure anything,

it doesn't assure a job

it doesn't assure a good life,

it doesn't assure a good future.

That's the conclusion.

Nonetheless,

we must not deny a kid from achieving some consolation,

how sad it would be,

if a child were to participate in a competition,

win nothing,

and yet receive no support from his parents or peers.

When I look at my cousins,

I admire them and sometimes I really wish I were them.

When my parents talk about them,

and when I see how successful they are,

I begin to wonder,

were they brought up with the very same pressure?

Were they brought up in the same environment?

Did they have more opportunities than me?

Did they get a head start to what they wanted to do?

Did money ever become an issue?

Am I giving myself too many excuses to why I can not succeed like them?

..The answers to the questions I do not know.

Success is determined by every individual who set their own goals,

and while I don't have an ego or low self-esteem,

I think I'm quite successful with failures.

Irony and self-interpretation intended.

Well now.

While flames of wanting to become a musician have slowly faded,

while I forget the lyrics and melodies to the songs I composed,

and while my countless failed attempts at poor recording have been wiped from my hard drive,

I am left with the books.

JoelJonas.

This is Me. 11:58 PM