Joel Jonas Tan Ngee.

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Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year Everyone!

A year has passed by so very fast.
So many things have happened,
so many things have changed.
My life's very much different.

..and well, I thought that It was only right for myself,
to spend a little time to do some reflection.
My regrets, My hopes, My thoughts for the year that has passed,
and the year that is to come.
(Do note that when I say "reflection", what comes out here may be subjective. It may not be true but then again, It is afterall, ..My reflections)




To begin with,
let's talk about my experiences throughout the year.

1. My journey through the year.

Now in every (Singaporean) teenage life,
you can't miss the part about school.
The experience I've gotten from school this year,
will never be returned for It's very much valuable.

The people.
I've met so many people in school.
Some of which I remember so fondly,
and some otherwise.
Nevertheless, throughout my Sec 4 life,
I've seen so many people come and go.
I've seen so many people grow as well.
I'll always recall the back seats in class.
Where I'll always be complaining in my head,
about how the teacher in front can be the size of my palm,
(from where I was seated)
and yet never complain (too much) cause of the unique people around me.
Disturbing as it may seem,
I am unable to leave out the fact that my Sec 4 life wouldn't be complete,
with the friends around me.

My friends.
They can be competitive,
they may be crazy at times,
but yet I find that the worst things about them,
can be one of the best things about them.

Would I strive harder If they weren't as competitive?
Would I be cheery during the bad times if It weren't for them?

They always say that the grass is greener on the other side,
I guess everybody has their own expectations (especially of people),
but I'd say I wouldn't change the people around me.

I am especially thankful,
for my study buddy.
I don't think I'd be able to make it through that 'O' Level period,
without studying someplace 20 minutes from home
along with some distractions such as how to resolve the problem of lunch.
I don't regret my preparations for 'O' Levels because I know what I did,
and I did it well.(With much help ofcourse.)

Another special mention,
would be my 8-year-long friend who's been there all these while.
The best part about that friend of mine is how I don't have to keep in constant contact,
but yet remain as close.
It's awesome to know that I have my friend's back,
and that awesome friend of mine has mine.

Other than that,
I'd prefer not to mention names in fear that I'd miss out a few great people here and there.

The people I go out with,
The people I work with,
The people who's in the same world as me during class,
you guys should know who you are. =)


My CCA/ECA/whatever-they-call-it mates.
What would I do without them?
I can't illustrate exactly in full HD details the learning experiences I've gotten from them.
I'm reiterating this point about my workmates just because.
I've taken up so many commitments,
(and I've come to realize, too many actually.)
and whilst in the midst of all these commitments,
I've learned ALOT about teamwork.
Cliche` as it may always seem,
I don't think everyone feels the same about teamwork.
Having an Executive Committee to work with,
was what taught me the most about teamwork, responsibility and cooperation.

Perhaps I'm missing out a few points about the people in school.
I guess I may add more important reflections when it pops into my mind.
Till then, I think this section is done.



My Family.
Yes I must say It's been very different this year.
Alot of things have changed.
I don't blame them,
I blame myself.
I doubt the possibility of being able to compete with 40+ years of experience,
after living 16 years myself.(Not to mention, the days spent as a toddler)
I've been selfish, I still am.
I've been irresponsible, I still am.
I'm not perfect, and I accept that fact.

I have the best parents in the world,
though I must say that I'm not the best son.
There are many things I don't understand,
and there are many things my parents may not understand either.
What I know however,
is that I have much to learn
and I pray that God will guide me.

My family's the most awesome thing that has happened to me,
and believe me,
letting it slip away is not worth it at all.



My relationships.
Now, let's not assume that relationships would immediately refer to the boy-girl kinda thing.
Let me begin with how bad I am with relationships.
I tend to be a day late to wish friends Happy Birthday.
(and there I go saying I'm the first to wish "Happy Belated")
I'm kinda(very) bad at getting gifts.
There's so many things I want to give others.
Most of the time, It's beyond my abilities,
either because I fail to save up enough,
or because I fail to find time to get the present.
(..And not being able to find time is really crap.)
Worst of all,
sometimes I get the present,
and ignorantly forget to give it.
SIGH.

As insignificant as some may find,
I find this very significant.
Being unable to do the basics as a friend,
really makes me a horrible friend.
Maybe It's just me,
but I get very happy,
if someone were to make me a card.
It beats presents from malls,
and many other things you get from shops.
This flaw of mine,
is one thing I should really change. Seriously.

Now moving on to the other kind of relationship.
Not that I've had alot of experience to recall this year,
but I've learned more from my friends,
than my own personal experience.

Now that Delilah's moved to New York city,
where she outshines time square,
along with the bills I owe
and how I'm determined to pay it off by selling my guitar.
I guess all I can say is,
I really shouldn't rush into things.
To be young and be in love is really awesome,
but I guess some things can wait,
or have to be waited upon.




2. My regrets.

Now, there are so many things I regret doing as well as not doing.
It's bad to regret, ..like what for?
Well, so that I don't repeat it in 2010.
Although our time here isn't of much importance,
it wouldn't hurt to get some wisdom out of it.
Intelligence is really useless,
but to be humble and wise,
that's key.

It's hard to recall my regrets of the whole year,
and I think most of it has already been mentioned earlier.


..Well after much considering and thinking.
I kinda figured that making a list of regrets isn't the best thing to do.
All in all, I guess the thing I regret most is not treasuring what I have.
It's when you really treasure the little things in your life,
do you only see the beauty in it.

Yeah, I guess that's pretty much it? =/



My Time in India.
I brought back alot of experience from India.
Especially the part about treasuring what you have.
Although I had a journal which I wrote many notes about my visit,
It's been submitted to the school and I may never get it back.
So I guess I'm just gonna write a gist of the important stuff I noticed there.

In India,
you can see disparity all around you.
In the midst of it,
is great fortune and wealth.
It's like beside a mansion,
you'd be able to find a slum.

However, looking at the people living in the slums.
It really has made me wonder.
What do they treasure most in life?
Among everything in their life,
I believe(I'm not 100% sure) that they treasure their family the most.

In our lives(or in our world),
we may treasure a gift that our family member has given us.
Yet many atimes,
we tend to forget what lays in that gift.. The family member his/herself.
Here, people express their love for one another through gifts and materials.
Yet, for those people living in slums,
what do they have to give other than themselves?
Though conditions are tough on them,
they know that they have each other there on the streets,
and that may be what matters most to them.

Although great grief comes upon me,
seeing those people living on the streets.
I still see happiness in them.
I see a life in them.
I see that they have much hope for their own future.

It is sad to say though,
by the great fog that shrouds the sky,
and loud noises that shrill the atmosphere.
It's really two different worlds that many people live in.
The combination of these two worlds however,
is very much tragic.

I'm bad at words and I fail to fully express myself.
In conclusion however,
I must learn to treasure.




3. My hopes.

If it isn't any more obvious,
I hope that I'll learn to treasure the things around me,
because I believe I'm very blessed.

Hopes for myself.
I aspire to be a musician.
Though I know It's not very feasible,
especially here where I reside.
Nevertheless I'll keep it to something I do during my leisure time,
and hopefully I may make it big.
Hopefully.

Other than that,
the most feasible and logical way I'd be able to support my family,
and get a form of livelihood,
is to work hard in Junior College.
I hope to be a student who's able to excel in his studies,
and yet not get my brain clogged with knowledge
and become too full of myself
but rather,
be wise as well and humble myself.

Pushing my hopes of being a musician aside,
On the path where most people take,
I hope to be either a Doctor or a Lawyer,
though this is very much subjected to change,
even though me aspiring to be a musician will stay.

Hopes for my Family.
I hope for my Dad to become more active in church.
I believe that It'll be good for him,
and not denying that his faith is strong,
I believe joining a ministry in church would allow him to enrich his faith.

I hope for my Mom to be Worry-less,
or rather, be without worry.
This hope of mine is near impossible,
but I guess it's that 0.1% which really motivates me in hoping.
Perhaps this hope of mine will not be fulfilled anytime soon,
but then again,
time and tide can't stop a guy from dreaming and hoping.

I hope for my Brother to be better than me.
Not implying that he's lousier than me in any way,
but I hope that he'll far exceed me in everything I do.
I hope that he'll try and do that,
and I hope that when he does,
he'll succeed and help me in the quest,
of giving my parents their dream lifestyle that they've talked about.


My hopes for the world.
I hope and pray that the blind can see,
the lame can walk
and the mute can talk.
Not in the physical aspect but in the mental aspect.
I don't think that people need the 2012 movie/documentary
to let them know the the Earth is dying.
The ancient romans called the Earth Gaia,
because Earth is literally a "living planet"
Men were giving the task to protect the animals,
not harm them.
Yet in our own selfish ways,
animals are going extinct,
trees are being cut down,
and as my cousin puts it,
mankind is soon gonna be the "most hated race on Earth"

I hope that people will wake up
and do what they can.
Instead of amassing a fortune they can't bring down the grave,
take time to enjoy what's been provided
and take time to smell the flowers in the fields,
and drink the water from the springs.

I hope that people will stop fighting,
and I pray that God will guide all of us.





***

These are my reflections of 2009.
(I may change some of it if I feel it's inappropriate but for the time being, it is as such.)
Happy New Year Everyone,
2010 is here.

JoelJonas.