I said HIATUS,but i guess i still need some place to store what happened in my life.
---
Thursday, 25th September
Exams begins today,
like a war that will be fought valiantly,
whether it's a win or lose,
it depends on the conditions.
English paper 1 was ok,
except for the fact i made a mistake for the situational writing.
I completed it at the start of the exam,
than i rewrote everything during the last 5 minutes of the exam.
they said stop writing when i was 3lines and 1 paragraph away from the signing off.
so i decided to staple both together,
but i ended up canceling everything INCLUDING the paragraph with the unwritten 3 lines.
and those 3 lines contain 1 out of the 3 points for my reason.
felt kinda sad.
Had confidence for my composition though,
wrote about a gift,
..which i threw away, due to a betrayal.
I added a lot of symbols, atmosphere and descriptive stuff so should be good.
Plus, a gift would usually mean something good,
but it represented something bad, hopefully the examiner would think that was a good twist.
Amaths paper was difficult.
So many questions, so little practice,
3 days can't make up for 9months,
doesn't make sense.
Had all the formulas and everything of that 3 days in my head,
the practice wasn't just quite enough.
Tomorrow's English paper 2 and Mother Tongue paper 2,
i'm going to sleep
---
Friday, 26th september
Woke up refreshed yet kinda tired this morning.
Slept for 13hours. 5 - 6am.
I dreamed about something during my long slumber.
It had nothing to do with anything i was thinking before i slept.
Now adays i don't get dreams often anyway.
Anyway,
i dreamt that it was doomsday,
and there was this black hole that was going to suck up the whole universe.(Earth being first)
And as the black hole sucks things up, it gets bigger and consumes more and more.
It was early in the morning, around 6am then.
When somehow, my family managed to get a private jet,
and was flying to England because we had won some privilege thing,
so we could fly to England and England would be the last country to be sucked up.
And somehow, Oakland seemed to be as safe as England for some reason.
we left the airport and were flying really low through Singapore,
right below somehow resembled orchard road.
I could see how people were going to work,
like leading their lives normally as though nothing was going to happen.
The sky was really dark with a big black cloud, and it was not raining at all.
Than i recalled something that happened in the airport.
So we were in the jet and my brother wasn't there,
so i was crying out to my mom for him or something.
To find that he was left at the airport and i felt so terrible,
than, i woke up.
When i woke up to see the sky so dark with the black cloud that looked EXACTLY the same,
..i somehow managed to recall every single thing about the dream.
What will it be like to know that the worlds going to perish,
and you're flying to country that will survive the longest but in the end will perish?
Scary scenario.
Though during the dream i knew it was a dream, everything still seemed so real.
English paper 2 was alright,
felt that i organised my summary pretty well this time.
Mother Tongue paper 2 was tough,
something about some lame india bus with lame stuff.
Mr Tang came by and looked at my paper with that funny smile, rofl.
Yeah, i'm worried about my mother tongue paper 2.
Gonna study Emaths and history this weekend.
I have lots of confidence in this two papers.
---
Sunday, 28th September
Went to watch the F1 qualifying rounds yesterday.
It's REALLY LOUD.
So loud that they actually gave ear plugs.
I was lucky enough cause my family had 4 grand stand tickets,
but it was like a pair and so we were placed at two different locations.
Couldn't get good photos and a view from the tickets gotten from douiche bank,
so went to exchange with my brother the one for credit suisse.
My seats were at the first turn after the long stretch where they could speed.
Over there i could go to 3 different stories.
The first one was the normal seating one,
the second one was the airconditioned area with a balcony,
and the last one was like a rooftop view.
They served food there as well,
free flow of wine champaign beer and juice.
Got some really nice photos of Kimi and his car,
had some fun taking it but was really exhausted after that.
The finals are tonight so i'll be watching it on television later.
Oh btw, you don't just get to see the car just zoom by.
There's like a big screen in front of the seats that shows you the exact view as in a television,
just that it's like on a movie screen,
so it's well worth it if you're going there for free.
And i can't believe that one grandstand ticket costs so much.
might be posting pictures up once exams are over,
i'm not sure if F1 actually permits though cause according to Terms and Conditions,
all pictures taken there are their property and copyright,
lol.
---
This morning was also solemnization of my aunt.
It was really lovely and it was held at the mandai orchid park.
It's so beautiful to see people get married,
it's like a very significant moment in their life,
and you're in it!
Took loadsa pictures there.
I wore my lilac levis shirt and jeans with a skinny red tie.(class tie)
and people thought i was following some trend.
Anyway, that's about all for today.
History and Emaths tomorrow.
Hope i can finish everything by today.
Blog readers are dropping like crazy,
but that's good cause it shows people are studying.
Go listen to "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas,
keeps me moving forward.
Joel.
---
29th September, Monday
Today was kind of, special.
I had dinner with a lizard and met an old lady in the library.
History was alright today.
Managed to answer the questions,
..but it didn't feel right cause i didn't write alot like i used to.
EMaths paper 2 was easy,
i'm hoping to get a distinction for it,
but i figured a made alot of careless mistakes and stuff.
So after that went to eat noodles at the coffeeshop again,
Went home to get my physics materials to study at the library,
Gilbert saw how messy my room was but that's what makes my room unique.
*rolls eyes*
Was able to get to the bus stop while it was drizzling,
there was this huge dark cloud, cumulonimbus? Is that what it's called..?
First time i ever saw an old bus 86, decided to pass the first one,
the second one was another old bus 86,
first time i've ever seen one.
Took it to the library,
by the time we were almost there, it started pouring like mad again.
So we circled around jacks place to see the road towards the library, unsheltered.
In front of us were two girls from some other schools,
they started running with files over their head.
Than i was like telling Gilbert, their girls and so we can't possibly be scared of the rain can we?
As i was about to finish my sentence,
and as they were running across the zebra crossing,
suddenly they stopped and turned back..
..and slowly picked up the slipper that fell halfway along the zebra crossing.
Anticlimax is hilarious.
So by the time we were at the entrance it was really cold,
took out my jumper(jacket) and put it on, it was much warmer.
By the time we were in the library i felt half warm and cold.
Walked around,
found a chair and table at the children's section,
set down and started.
Around 515 or so Gilbert felt kinda tired so he decided to go home to get some rest.
He left at around 545 or so.
So i studied on my own till around 640 when something interesting occurred.
Well, there was a lady who looked really friendly,
she came by with a broomstick and the dustpan,
told me she had to sweep the floor around the area,
and apologised cause she had to move my table by a little.
ofcourse i smiled back and said it was alright.
She seemed really nice.
So she started a friendly conversation,
asking me what level i was currently studying at,
which school was i studying at,
where did i live(as in, the town name, not the address),
Didn't they have libraries at my area,
why did i come all the way there to study and stuff.
So yeah, it was a really nice conversation.
in the midst of our conversation,
she kept encouraging me,
saying, "Must study hard"(in Chinese).
She said she was 70 this year,
and that she was tired of the whole days work in the library.
She said that they earn $3 an hour.
And she said the line,
"There's not enough money to use"
or as some would know,
the line from that singapore movie,
"钱不够用"
Well, i thought it was really nice talking to her,
She felt that i had a bright future ahead of me,
but what i had to do was to .. study hard.
Soon, at around 710 or so,
Royce came along for awhile,
than he disappeared rofl.
After studying till around 745,
Felt that my stomach couldn't take it,
so i needed to eat something big, gargantuan.
Decided to go to macs and have a Big Mac.
Was really really hungry and i guess i wasn't exactly successful in consuming the burger.
There were lettuce all over inside the box and the whole burger looked like it was falling apart.
Wished they wrapped the burger snug in paper just like Carls junior.
So while eating, this lizard came along,
i was outside, the other side of the glass window.
It just came along, and stared blankly.
As it waited, still and patient,
soon came a fly,
It was so quick you would have missed it if you blinked.
It just gobbled the whole fly up like that.
It had eaten around it's 5th fly when Royce came by macs again.
I had already finished my meal so i started studying Physics again.
Then came along two middle-aged woman dressed as though they were going to some hotel buffet.
(Even though they were in Macdonalds)
I was sitting next to their table when they sat down,
i sorta moved my back closer to me as the chair was sort of in the way.
And they gave me that sort of look that i was some Hobo.
I guess i am pretty judgmental,
but i really didn't like how they looked at me.
it was that kind of "He's studying at macdonalds? Probably someone with no-hope",
and than they chatted like a stereotype Aunty seen on television.
I shan't assume,
but remember, it's not nice to give people a disgusted look.
Cause it's disgusting.
Kinda glad i managed to cover 5 chapters of Physics today,
took a break when i came back home,
and finally i'm here.
Glad today's over.
I'm going to finish studying for Physics tomorrow,
i think it was a great idea to do a schedule,
Thankfully Ms. Sia made me do it,
and made me see the goodness in it.
Goodnight,
tomorrow will be a good day.
It hurts when quarrels come so easily every now and then.
You have me heels over head.
Joel.
---
3rd October, Friday
The past few days have really been hectic,
not exactly in some excerpts,
but most of the time.
To be drained physically is fine really,
but to be drained mentally is the worst thing that can happen.
Then again,
the worst(er) thing that can happen is for you to be both mentally and physically drained,
with a painful heart.
Yeah, my heart kinda aches right now because i rammed myself into an elbow,
that caused me to fly backwards with a thud.
Now it's just aching for some reason.
Some notable things that happen the last few days.
Well, i guess i have to face the scars that the past is real.
I mean at one point of time i had forgotten that anything had changed,
and yeah i guess for once i thought everything was the same like it used to be.
Friendship has now become such a fragile thing.
At another instance, your friends are looking out for you.
Like all of a sudden, you start to remember that there's always a special something in everyone.
I was at the coffeeshop and well i had forgotten to take my allowance so i had no money to buy food.
I could have pretty much went to draw some from at POSB nearby but i was kinda reluctant.
Bird didn't have money to lend me then.
Then somehow, the whole group started forking up little coins from their pockets and wallet,
Johnny, Bird, Bao and Royce.
Bao was like, "You scared no face arh, you see i FA also dare to admit".
After that i somehow felt that i was terribly Pity-ed or something,
but i decided to take it that GuanBao was joking like he always did.
I actually already told myself that i wasn't going to eat anything,
but Royce in the end decided to take the money and get a waffle for me,
which was warm and managed to fill my stomach.
I felt grateful for that
But somehow, i feel very lost.
It's like a long object in unstable equilibrium and but both sides weighing the same.
The pivot seems to be falling apart as well.
That was about all for that day(i-forgot-which-date)
Was it Wednesday?
Bird deepak Sb and I were supposed to go over to Andy's place for badminton,
but the courts ended up to be fully booked.
Somehow one way or another,
the venue ended up to be at my place.
Had Macdonalds,
were supposed to study there based on the plan,
but we decided to play badminton first.
Played badminton at the court below my house,
had pretty much fun but somehow i wasn't good at all.
The game ended and the venue was finally settled.
They were studying at my place that day.
So they came up to my place,
my rooms was pretty much cosy so everyone was able to study quite alright.
Studying here and there,
a bit of jokes here and there,
and finally it was around 5.
Where Deepak started calling Andy telling him to get downstairs in a matter of minutes.
So yes, we ended up playing basketball at the court at my place as well.
That's where i got my 5 wounds and 3 bruises plus one chest collision.
But it was fun.
That day was a very long day.
Yesterday was a free day,
did not manage to cover much of Social Studies in school,
did some Geography notes in class.
Was aching in school like for almost the whole day.
I'm that weak now.
Low blood pressure.
Had Mr Chew to teach us some stuff on Physics,
(yes it's physics, not typo error)
and he also somehow prepared a speech.
Quite inspirational,
yeah and it was definitely true that at one point teachers were haunting me.
I don't think it's much of a difference now,
and i fear the outcomes of the after-exams.
Walked to the bus stop super exhausted for some reason.
"I trust you", how many people would you say that to?
Crashed after i came home,
studied till around 2am for Social Studies.
Somehow, i really could feel alot or pressure in my head.
That's what they call Mentally drained.
Went to sleep and somehow managed to wake up this morning,
quite early and sharp according to the watch.
Without the alarm ringing yet.
Today's chinese paper led me to think alot,
worried about my chinese.
I understand it's importance and i would love to master it,
but it's just that i really don't know how,
cause a language can't be learned just like that with a snap of the finger,
not even if you were in a good chinese class previously,
or scored well previously.
Once you have lost touch of a language, it's difficult to find it back.
Social Studies was easy.
Source Base was good.
SEQ seemed kinda short but it was okay cause main points were there.
Had Kway Chap after school,
went to see Mr Chew again,
than left school at around 415, due to a lot of delay.
Something interesting happened today,
after Maths tuition today,
i was supposed to pay the fees,
but my parents were not at home,
they forgot about it,
and i couldn't get money from my maid cause she was coincidentally in the toilet.
So i rummaged through everything beside my bed,
boxes, shelves, drawers,
and wala`, managed to get enough money to pay the fees.
I was literally counting in my head one by one.
My Maths tutor felt kind bad for taking my "piggy bank savings" ,
but that was okay haha.
Kinda fun searching for the cash in a slow paced kind of rush.
Well that's about all for today.
Had some Royce Chocolates.
They were wrapped in a silver foil thing to actually insulate it from heat or something.
They were champagne, which tasted good.
That's about all for everything.
All i can say is,
the reason why you see me so lost now adays,
is because i really am.
What's with the way everything's going..?
People now think how things can benefit them rather than doing it for charity.
Tables are turned and faces are changed in a snap.
Society is going to tear everything apart,
Education is good,
but what happens when it turns around to be the main focus of everything..?
look what it's done to my life.
When you thought you were their heart,
and you thought they were your armour.
Horrified.
Joel.
---
7th October, Tuesday.
It's 4:25am and i'm wondering why i'm up so late again.
Studies at the expense of sleep had always been the way to go.
Today or rather, since it's past 12am, yesterday had science papers.
The science papers were really easy,
but kinda disappointed i wasn't able to do to well,
like only a few careless mistakes that kind of "well"
Turned out that i didn't have any time left to go back to the questions i left undone.
I can bet that if i just had more time to think about some of the questions, i would be able to do them.
But then again, if i had gotten all my concepts right, i would have known how to do it immediately.
Well, there it goes.
Science paper will be the one that affects me most cause it's hanging on a cliff.
I'm not too hopeful in counting on that two weeks that made up the 9 months of sec 3.
Whatever happens, will happen i guess.
This little twist and turns of fate are unstoppable.
Time falls away.
I've been losing focus recently,
finding myself getting distracted over nothing.
My weekends before the science was gone before i knew it.
Didn't even spend much time on anything at all.
My mind couldn't think, my hands couldn't work.
Yup, i guess i was STONING.
I don't know really.
I just want to live a relaxed life without any outside influence.
Is that too much to ask?
I guess it's like asking for a whale when your fish tank can only hold a guppy.
It's definitely too much to ask in this society we live in.
Given the chance to study,
we are so privileged compared to other people,
they don't get a chance in education,
we are so privileged, I'm sure we are.
I don't know what's going on in this world really.
How some people behave and how some people choose to behave.
People who'd know me would ask me what i'm talking about,
since i'm the one who's always freaking fooling around.
I'd rather fool around and be cheery than not talk at all.
If you preferred it otherwise than i'm sorry i guess you'll have to live with it.
I'm not feeling angry now,
i'm just kinda mystified about things.
Great, someone just sped off on their motorbike.
Zoom right off with the loud engine motor.
It brings me back to something yesterday.
I've never seen seen people with caps that they wear so high up on their head,
and people wearing skinny pants as though more fabric would have to cost them a fortune more.
I've also never seen people walking around the streets,
posing with a guitar and strutting around and making sounds.
Do they feel that a look like that gives them status?
Do they feel "in" and all?
Well, that was more of a rhetorical questions but if you didn't get it,
it's YES and a YES.
I mean it's not wrong and all for them to set their own trend and stuff,
It's cool really, to be yourself and not care what others think.
But now the thing here is,
they are being something else to specifically CARE about what others think of them,
and i'm guessing what they would hope for would be.. "wow, cool" ?
I don't know, what is Singapore turning out to be?
My thoughts are flowing so smoothly now,
like ink from a fountain pen.
So I'm sorta able to have my immediate thoughts down in an instance.
Has anyone noticed the difference between History and ELECTIVE History.
Uh yeah, not exactly.
What i don't understand is why we are not allowed to take History instead since it's
ENTIRELY THE SAME.
Well now.
The thing is they have to put social studies in as well don't they?
Yes it is essential that we learn more about our country,
how our healthcare system is better than that of Britain's NHS,
how we BOND in a multi-racial society and manage conflicts that we no longer have.
Don't be mistaken, i'm not criticizing social studies.
I'm just writing how good everything is here,
just like how social studies teach me to think.
The lights of a room at the opposite block just went off,
I guess a late-night-study-goer just went to sleep.
I think i should too, cause it's 5 already.
If i don't sleep now i won't get 1 hour of sleep.
You know even though this is my blog,
and i have I"M ME LIVE WITH IT pasted right on top.
It's pretty ironic cause i don't write everything.
Especially because if i ever make a full-blown personal attack,
I don't know what will happen to me and that person.
But what things for sure is i detest people who behave as female dogs.
The bird that sings ever morning just started singing.
I guess it's getting late.
I'm ending off this persistently non-political thoughts,
5:02am.
Laters.
Joel.
---
9th October, Thursday
Well, tomorrows the last day.
I know i did tell myself that i'd either be very satisfied,
..or very broken cause of the papers and stuff.
But you know tomorrow's the last paper,
and currently i don't feel anything.
Neither satisfied nor do i feel like i'm gonna get fried.
Now i'm like, It's over, so what's the point of thinking about it.
And somehow, i look forward to receiving my results,
as well as i don't.
Don't make sense do I?
Well, tomorrow meeting starts again.
Soon, in time to come, we will all start to suffer due to last minute actions.
In fact we already are and I already am.
November will be a scary month.
Anyway,
I'm going swimming tomorrow,
I don't think anyone is going to join me,
but that's fine.
Cause i feel like swimming laps and let go of all i got.
There's been too many arguments .
I'm not sure if i can ever find a solid ground.
There's been too many changes.
too much for me to accept.
I've Been through way too much this year.
Oh,
i just realised my interest in american politics.
Somehow,
i've been doing up research here and there on the US Federal government,
about the democrats and republicans,
watching presidential debates
..and stuff like that.
Sometimes i surprise myself.
..Now i'm just waiting for someone to surprise me.
Here i go.
Joel.
