Joel Jonas Tan Ngee.

You may contact me:

jo99xpro@hotmail.com


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Thursday, April 17, 2008

I wish that i could bubble wrap my heart,
..in case i fall and break apart

My blog is now level hundred,

what is that of my life story here?

What have i achieved since the beginning of this blog?

I would never have guessed that i'd be in this state.

I think i know why,

i feel this heavy burden chained to my empty heart.

..and why am i feeling sad all these days.

This i don't understand.

this is the last time,

i give up this heart of mine.

i'm telling you that i'm a broken person who's finally realised.

What more can i say,

..cause i'm engulfed all already.

I wish,

this saturday all 3 teams will make it.

I wish that everything'll be fine even after that,

i wish i'd make it.



I had my subway, ..was it good?

I had the meatball sandwhich,

you had your subway melts.

and that was all.

Today Royce did a very funny thing in the morning.

he wrote his poem, or as he calls it his creed or something all over the board.

..to vent his anger.

interesting really,

but some poems can be really beautiful.

other than that, school today was.. school.

I'm sorry i couldn't train with you guys today ..only for that short while.

tomorrow's the last day, ..and i cant describe what i'm feeling.

and than after that..

Sometimes, no actually most of the time.. it's quite interesting wondering,

..what a different life would be.

And i think i have nothing to look forward to now, ..do you?

June holidays? where i'll be going back to school everyday from 9 - 7?

School to reopen after june holidays? where everything starts right from the beginning?

End of Years? where i'll be able to rock with my band?

Or weekends, where i get to play my guitar for that miserable short period..?

..Thursday tuition and after that supper?

Sunday at church and religious class?

Or should i look forward to next year?

When it's time for O levels? will i be prepared then..?

hmm or that period after O levels? ..maybe.

Or the next ever family outing? ..if ever?

Ooh oh, maybe the next extended family gathering or occasion?


..what's there to look forward to? Tell me.


Maybe i did make a big mistake here and there.

wrong decisions wrong choices wrong paths i chose.

what you choose, would either shape you, ..or break you.

the choice is yours to make.

but then again, i wouldn't have what i would have now,

if i had changed any significant major decision made in history,

will i still have everything i have now?

why am i so impulsive,

why do believe so strongly in what i think is right

why do i take the risks

and why am i so afraid.


just now the teacher posted this question, "Why do you study?"

hmm, that's an easy question, ..wait what's the answer again?

for money, for a better future, for wisdom, for fun or because i'm forced to?

Yeah, and i got news about some of my ex primary school classmates.

Compare them now, to what they were.

..and comparing altogether now. Big differance.

We were all taking the same path, ..and somehow sadly some would choose a different path,

..and get lost without even knowing.

i posted this question to my friend, how's life?

..Empty. Like no point, everyday go schools study than come home study, play little bit here and there,

..sian.

yeah, what happened to the simple pleasures in life worth enjoying. ..Any of that can possibly be done now?

..

..i just looked out of my window, ..no stars.

Maybe i'll get to watch the sunrise by the beach?

..I'll wake up at 3, take a taxi to east coast, watch the sunrise till 7, take taxi to school and reach at 8 and tell them that..

I was simply checking out the awesome sunrise..

yeah right.

Sometimes, things get so messy and everything piles up and we forgot the simple things.

filing it all up may make things neat but it won't make the stack any smaller.

So get rid of the stack you say?

yeah, and just throw away all the responsibility, simple as tat.

some people, yeah i suppose they can do that.

but it doesn't feel good after that,

the ghost of that stack comes back to haunt you.

and have you ever wondered where this stack will end up?

..to whom? ..another person?

talk about karma.


Post number 100, the first chapter that has passed of my life.

Let this post be a reflection, a reminder.

Yes Joel, the nexttime when you looks back and read this now, i hope you smile.

and laugh and wonder how things pass so fast and how things just went off so easily.

and i hope that by then when you read this, you would have achieved what you would like to to have achieved now.

But don't forget what you've been through.



great. you're talking to yourself.

i hope my wish comes true, let's kickass, team.

Well, this is goodbye.


Soul.
"I wish that i could bubble wrap my heart.."